What are you doing in a month? Figure it out pronto.

I am a terrible planner. I would go so far as to say that I take measures to avoid planning. Thanks to Inside USC with Scott Wolf, I am getting my September 3-7 squared away {Thank you Swedish scheduling gods. A lot of things don't make sense [See a month long break in the middle of the season because the entire country is on holiday.] but an open date on the first weekend of college football does.}. Keep in mind that all times for me are 6 hours later than the listed {Eastern} times.

Take a couple minutes and rough out your viewing plan. Here are the games I'm excited about watching after a quick perusal of the master list {Rooting interests in caps and bold.}:

Thurs, Sept 3
- 7:00 PM South Carolina at North Carolina State, ESPN
- 10:15 PM Oregon at Boise State, ESPN

Sat, Sept 5
- 12:00 PM MINNESOTA at Syracuse, ESPN2
- 3:30 PM Georgia at Oklahoma State, ABC
- 7:00 PM NORTHERN ILLINOIS at Wisconsin, Big Ten Network - Go Huskies.
- 10:00 PM Maryland at California, ESPN2

And for the other Husky fans (UCONN, that is - not the portly clientel, we prefer big-boned.):
- 7:00 PM Connecticut at Ohio, ESPN 360

What's on your visual menu? Only one game per time slot. We have to make this interesting.

The Blind Side, Michael Lewis/Oher, Left Tackle, Thailand

Ok, bear with me on this stream-of-consciousness bing-bang. It makes sense. {At least in my dome.}

Yesterday I saw the trailer for The Blind Side. We should all know by now that Hollywood butchers any book remakes. The books are always better. Always. Watch in horror and save your money come late November.

It has been panned with spot-on precision at Mr. Irrelivant, Hey Jenny Slater and Doc Saturday so I won't pile on. But I'll probably end up watching it at some point. I'd make a terrible revolutionary.

In The Blind Side, virtuoso Michael Lewis discussing the nuances of pro football that have led to left tackles transforming from interchangeable cog to freakishly talented athletic specimens that are paid accordingly.

Last night in practice I played some left tackle. If I was taller, stronger, faster, more athletic - I would be at least fighting for a practice squad spot. Who are we kidding. I'd just be just a bigger awkward person. Anyway through a combination of ruthless technique, fat feet and old shoes, this came to pass:

A new innovation in adidas footwear. The ankle cleat. Nothing is impossible.

Without missing a beat, someone yells, "You get those in Thailand?"
"Nope, but they were probably made there."

Which brings us to tonight's dinner. My brother's last meal out in Stockholm, at Koh Phangan. The building looks like a tiki hut and has a river running along the floorboards. The food was delicious, but it cannot hold a candle to the urinals.

You bet I used the far left one. Chang, yummy. Singha, even more so.

I told you I'd bring it full circle. If you're still reading and thoroughly confused, I apologize profusely. But you're probably used to that.

Just Watch

My dad is a wrestling coach, which may be why I find this more touching, if it's possible.

I was an absolute mess of tears and laughter after watching this. The video made me happy to be alive. Sport is a beautiful thing, and don't let anyone tell you any different.

I got my swim trunks and my flippy-floppies

We took one on the chin this Saturday, losing 28-20, but the bigger story was the continuing saga of Thoughts from a Fat White Guy authors being photographed in Euro-trunks, embarrassing their parents and making finding gainful employment a bit more of a challenge.

The photo in question is at a spa on a Viking cruise line, which was hardly the Bacchanalian free-for-all that I was expecting and dreading. The spa was clutch for post-game decompression with our Swedish cruise master and defensive lineman, Mexican quarterback, and my little brother visiting. Although being hit on by a guy who would have looked a bit more at home in the Raider black hole was an interesting twist. No, I do not 'need any help' in a tiny cold tub, thank you very much. I don't even know what that help would entail, and I would prefer to not think about it.

The cruise experience provided a small sample of the interesting Swedish dichotomy of not talking to anyone outside your particular group while boarding, the first hour, then talking to everyone after everyone had ample time to frequent the tax-free shop. Then the following morning going back to pretending that your group is the only one on the boat. The Swedes are fantastic at pretending that there is nothing going on around them. Until you talk to them, then they are occasionally too friendly. Relate back to above incident.

I did my best to shake off the doldrums the following morning by karaoke-ing {Is that a verb? Is now.} 'Bust a Move'. My brother added to the performance as an unplanned back up dancer and saved me from the rookie mistake of trying to read the words instead of just ignoring the damn teleprompter and letting it fly. The fisherman dance during the intermission may have helped. Or the older Swedish lady trying to slap his ass. Whichever. At least we were fully clothed.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Away Game

Sports terminology has made its way into various other aspects of life. It's logical. Sports are popular and easy to translate with competition and the like. One place that you're never really sure if that's alright is in the bedroom. Sure, you may joke around about it with your close friends, aside from 'The Single/Double/Triple' analogy {If you touch 'em all, do you hit for the cycle? Or do they have to be separate instances? Can you even hit for the cycle? Once you try and codify things of this nature there are all sorts of rhetorical crevasses to be dealt with.} nothing has really become mainstream. The Swedes have taken the lead in that category.

Bortamatch - away game. Hemmamatch - home game. Brilliantly simple. They even have little equipment bags for those going into hostile territory looking to pull off a big victory.

Barney Stinson absolutely has to have a hand in the production of these kits. Next question, how do we figure out who is wearing white and color? Is it baseball, where white is at home? Or football, where home {traditionally} wears their color? Or should we just go shirts and skins?

Tomfoolery in the Ice Bar

My not-so-little brother is in Sweden taking in everything that Stockholm has to offer. Which of course meant a trip to the Ice Bar {Something that I have yet to visit in my time here.}. It's a tiny room and it's, well, cold. That doesn't mean that it needs to be boring.

We had the lady at the front door convinced that we were serious about wanting to go into the bar sans shirt. "Um, no, you have to wear the pancho." Two minutes later we let on that there was no way we were going in without the coverall/little-kid-glove-clip combo. During a mixed drink in an ice cup, we decided to do what all good Wisconsin lads should do. Construct an ice-a-mid with the empties laying about.


And why not? With some help from some gentleman in town for the Pride festival, we completed our alcoholic tribute to the pharoahs and forced labor before we lost feeling in our fingers.

Enter the Meat Grinder

Minnesota is jacking up the level of competition in the years to come. According to ESPN's Adam Rittenberg they are looking to add Texas to a post-2009 slate that includes USC, Colorado and Oregon State after an already challenging 2009 schedule. Coach Tim Brewster ain't scurred:

The schedule is extremely challenging, but that's to my liking. I love the fact that we're playing Air Force, we're playing Cal, we're playing Syracuse. We're playing some really good football teams. Somebody said that we had the fifth most challenging schedule in America, and I like that. I think it's a good thing.

Missing Indiana and Michigan during the conference schedule in 2009 helps the strength of schedule but eliminates two very winnable games. And going big seems to be helping recruiting:

But from a recruit's perspective, I think that's what they want. When I talk to recruits on the phone, they say, Hey, coach, who are you playing in the nonconference schedule? They want to know. When I say, We're playing USC, you can sense an excitement in a young man's voice. Kids want to play in marquee nationally televised games.

To be honest with you, I want the University of Minnesota to be on that stage. I want to play nationally televised games where a tremendous exposure is put on our program. And when you play USC, that happens.

We're going to play some other teams also that are going to give us exposure. I don't think there's a downside. I really don't. We're an ascending program the way I look at our program. We're going to keep getting better. We'll be up to the challenge of playing the type of schedules that we're going to play at Minnesota through the next couple of years.

The added hypothetical exposure will be beneficial, but only with wins and bowl games. The big name teams seem to be offset by the standard BCS cupcake menu. Other schools currently on the docket from 2010-2015 are South Dakota, North Dakota State, Syracuse {Also the opening game of the '09 season.}, San Jose State, UNLV, Western Illinois, Miami of Ohio, South Dakota State and Ohio {www.gophersports.com}. Naturally this is incredibly premature and open to an abundance of change. They could conceivably play none of these teams if a school with a bigger checkbook comes calling. A lot of scheduling comes down to the strength of a school and the luck of hitting big name teams on a down swing and avoiding mid-majors on an uptick.

The final result will be interesting to see, but it will be difficult to ignore Minnesota scheduling big name teams from out of the conference. Although it will be a meat grinder, we'll borrow words of wisdom from Wedding Crashers: Rule #76. No excuses. Play like a champion.

Irish Sport: Hurling

The stereotypical Irish jokes write themselves with the name of a national sport being hurling. But the great majority of utterly wasted folks in pubs were foreigners. But hurling has absolutely nothing to do with drinking.

The sport of hurling is something that cannot be explained and be fully grasped, it must be watched. I attempted to summarize it but check out DJ Carey {The Michael Jordan of hurling, or so I was told by some hurlers in Kilkenny.} and some other youtube hurling clips after the intro videos below:

Oh yeah, they don't get paid a dime for playing. They can do endorsements and that's it. It goes against all American ideals {Do something. Get paid.}, but it's admirable nonetheless. Hurlers have full time jobs and then train/play 40 hours a week at the highest level. Absolutely insane. There is also a women's league, but it's less popular, and the sport is called camogie. The money made by the GAA {Governing body of Gaelic sports} goes into development for the sport as well as cultural and community development. Hurling and Gaelic football {future post} were outlawed by the British in the early 20th century but continued to be played and resulted in the first Bloody Sunday at Croke Park {Which was fittingly the site of a major step to healing.}.

And one more odd rule that I can't wrap my head around is that the third guy in a fight will get sent off. Two guys can scrap a bit and it's cool, but even if the third man comes in to intercede peacefully, he gets punished. The thought process I guess is if you don't have a third in the fray, there will be no fourth, etc. {Clarified by Emmet in the comments.}

Guess that's a solid rule when you're having a few beverages to avoid doing some hurling of your own. But as wise Irishman Oscar Wilde said, "The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself." So that's what I'm-a going to do.

*If you came here for American football and are still reading, Notre Dame beat Navy 54-27 at Croke Park in 1996 and will return in 2012.

Linkage: Memorial to the Brickhouse

Walk On Boy back trying to get back in the blogging grove with some gratuitous Gopher retrophilia {HT: Brian Cook of The Sporting Blog and Smart Football.} celebrating the return to campus. Can we return to media guide photos like this please? I tried while I was in school, but the uptight photographers wouldn't allow it. The fact that I wasn't very good probably had something to do with it. Whatever.

Explore, enjoy and either be excited for the Gopher's returning to campus and the great outdoors or thankful that your team is already outside. {Unless you're a fan of Syracuse, Idaho or another team that plays in a dome.} However, I can already foresee people pining for the Metrodome during the first bad weather game at the Stadium-That Must-Not-Be-Named {And of course they didn't allow liquor sales.}. Any suggestions for a nickname on par with The Brickhouse?