Guten Morgen Football Fans!

It's a slow week in sports (and in my personal life). I've been sick and trying to train, and the most exciting part of my day was coming home to find my mail box shattered. I could almost respect it if it was a couple of kids playing mail box baseball. Sure, in my teens I rode shot gun with my Aluminum Easton proudly nestled between my legs so I can sympathize with the "Townies' getting bored on a Wednesday night and taking a little BP on my mail receptacle. But no, I'm even denied that pleasure. The plow took it out.
That's something people don't understand. The "off-season" in college football is the most monotonous of the year. There is no one on campus (read: zero female scenery), the routine is exactly the same, day after day. There is literally nothing going on. However, I was emailed my contract, schedule, and information packet from my team in Austria. It was written entirely in German. So that should make for some light reading.
On top of that my girlfriend bought me a book of German phrases (to help me survive while in country). I have the maturity level of a pubescent 12 year old, so I immediately turned to the "SOCIAL" section, followed by sub-section, "Sex-interaction" Tremendous. Then I found this little tid-bit, and my day got a little brighter.

Traurig. Ich kann es auf nicht erhalten.

Followed by:

Dies geschieht nie zu mir.

These two phrases of course mean: "Sorry. I can't get it up" and "This never happens to me"
There they are. Right on the page.
I don't want to come off as vulgar or un-cooth. But, that's freaking hilarious. Not only will some dude be completely embarrassed, but also fumbling for his German phrase book trying explain to some Fraulein why he can't perform. I laughed for a good 15 minutes.