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Friday, February 27, 2009

This Weeks Sign Of The Apocalypse

Ladies and gentleman. I am sorry. The hippies have won.This week's sign of the apocalypse? "Politically correct war." (Where the games don't matter and the points don't count). The weakest card in the deck is the one who is the most "war like" (ie. the strongest by everyone else's standards)

Actual description from the box:

War has changed dramatically over the years, but the card game that bears its name hasn't changed since it was first played in the late 14th century - until now. For the first time, War incorporates Love, Peace, Diversity and Unity. Players compete to get rid of their cards first, while trying to avoid the heavily-armed joker
(the weakest card in the deck).

The game is great fun for adults and children, and it's perfect for home or travel.

Yes it is perfect game, at home on your commune. Also great for your weekend trip to Vermont.
I think I'm going to be sick...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Calhoun Gets 800 (...not giving a dime back)

Jim Calhoun won his 800th game yesterday. Sadly, the bigger story was that the post game press conference did not hold any of the theatrics that the South Florida game did. (Not a dime. Not a dime!). There have been some developments in the days past, when Jodi Rell (Governor of Connecticut) said that if there was a "do over" Calhoun would probably choose his words better, or something to that affect. Well my advicre? Jodi Rell should realize that while she is a nice lady, and looks like "everybody's grandmother" (and has some interesting Christmas sweaters),
more people in CT know who Calhoun is than Jodi Rell. Secondly, Calhoun is one of only three state employees that actually pays his own salary. You know what else? Jim Calhouns initials are JC. You know who else he shares those with? Well after 800 wins he is the Jesus Christ of Storrs, CT. (...cause you know, who's footsteps better to follow in than JC's?)
The good news, is I did score an exclusive interview with another famous UConn coach , in one sit down. So here you have it,
FWG's exclusive interview with Jim Calhoun,and Randy Edsall.

FWG: Its so incredible to have you guys here right now. I can't believe we could get the logistics worked out. Although I did have to pay a small fee. Jim, have you received my check?
JC: Not a dime.
RE: Not a dime!
FWG: hmmm thats weird. But not unusual for me. Moving on, this next question is for coach Edsall. You utilized Reggie Mclain this year on "Nickle Package" defenses. Some experts suggest moving another safety in the mix, called the "Dime package." Will you run that this coming season?
RE: Not a dime!
FWG: Well that solves that. Coach Calhoun, I have some change in my pocket, its not a nickle, its...
JC: ...not a dime!
FWG: Thats right, its a quarter. Randy, how much do you make a year?
RE: Not a dime!
FWG: Incorrect, you make over a million a year also. Don't lie to the media, Randy. Or we'll get Jeff Jacobs on you again. By the way, how much do you think Jeff Jacobs is worth?
RE: Not a dime.
FWG: Agreed.
JC: Not a dime!
FWG: Its not your turn yet. I want to thank you both for your time, granting me this exclusive. Anything you want to tell our readers before we go?
JC/RE: Not a dime!
FWG: That doesn't really fit there, it's almost as if this interview was totally made up..

Final Thoughts:
It is 9:20am, I leave for New York today (then its off to Europe). There is a plumber in my basement. The most awful noises are now coming out of there. I can only imagine that it looks like a scene from "Saw" right now.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Your Morning Laugh: The Nectar of God's Balls


The Food in Italy
"...each grape hand picked by a blind nun, who was kidnapped by the Gypsy..."

The Day is Almost Upon Us

Football is a popular sport in Austria, second only to alpine skiing... celebrity status awaits.
For those of you just joining I am going to play professional football in Europe (now try to keep up). International travel is totally beyond me. My last flight out of the country (Canada doesn't count) was to Mexico, on which I was sandwiched between to chatty Swedes. A newly wed couple who had claimed the aisle and window seats for themselves and proceeded to have a conversation with me in the middle, totally invading my personal space.
When I asked them if they wanted to trade seats, they laughed at the ridiculousness of that notion. Like I had two heads.
"What? and lose the opportunity to annoy you this entire flight? Not a chance. You stay right there and let me talk across you, at a distance where you can taste my hot-Swedish-breath"
That was New York to Mexico.
This is Rochester to Chicago. Chicago to London. London to Vienna. Vienna to Klagenfurt.

That's right, I'm going to Klagenfurt. I will be playing for a team called the Carinthian Black Lions. Think of it like this, Austria in the country, Carinthia is the state and Klagenfurt is the city. (New York Jets: USA the country, New York the state, East Rutherford the city).

The home page of the Black Lions is HERE. Good luck reading it, it's all in German. I don't speak a word of German. So lets break this down:
I am going to:
1. A country I've never been
2. With people I don't know
3. A language I don't speak
4. On a trip that will take 30 hours to complete.
What's not to love?

I will be doing video blogs, and taking pictures of the entire experience. So check back often for updates on that and whatever else moves me.

I know I haven't done this in a while but...
Just like when I worked at the bar, I used to watch ROADHOUSE to get all jacked up for the occasion. I plan on watching every Arnold Schwarzenegger film, to get jacked up for the Austria-Experience

Did you know...

Before adopting the Euro in 2002 Austria had maintained use of the Austrian schilling from 1939... in case you have any extra schillings laying around.

Optional kindergarten education is provided for all children between the ages of three and six years... in case you need to brush up.

Austria\'s population estimate in October 2006 was 8,292,322.... in November it was 14.

Arnold Schwarzenegger responds to the following nicknames: Arnie, Austrian Oak, Conan the Republican, Styrian Oak, The Governator, The Running Man, Conan the Governor

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Austria: Land of Free, Home of the Lederhosen...

Stay tuned for an update on playing pro in Austria.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Marty Gagne: "Pittsburgh Sports Fan...Go To Hell...."

My previous post, about the necessity of a slashing two guard in the UConn backcourt, seems a little eerie considering Jerome's injury. However, I don't think its unreasonable to ask Kemba Walker to fill this void. The kid gets into the paint like he's a toddler at an acrylic store.

I already know FWG hates all things Pennsylvania, but let me add to that:

As if losing 'Rome wasn't enough, losing to Pittsburgh leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I hate the city. Here's a list of words and phrases that you will never see in a description of Pittsburgh: fun, cool, trendy, nice weather, scenic, upbeat, lots to do. Moreover, the sports fans are no saving grace. Not only did they exhibit obnoxious behavior at the Patriots-Steelers game at Gillette this year, but my past experience with the city's basketball fans has not been pleasant, either. I can vividly remember distasteful and demeaning comments shouted by their student section two years ago - personal comments that I won't repeat here. Any child raised a Pittsburgh sports fan should be put in foster care.

On the other hand, I love Syracuse fans. Their student section continually displays many of the characteristics necessary for irreproachable crowd participation: cleverness, enthusiasm, competitiveness, and zeal. Year after year, they sustain our intense rivalry in a respectable manner, as opposed to the offensive nature of Pittsburgh fans. Some comments from the Carrier Dome over the years:

"Hey Denham... you've been the same player for four years."

"Hey Gagne... you should be impressed that I know you're name!"

"Hey Ed... how old are you? Forty?"
Almost true.

"Hey 35... do you even have your name on jersey? Or do you just have a question mark?"
Somewhat true.

"Hey walk-on.... the water cooler needs filling up."
Not my job.

"I'd rather be a Syracuse fan than a UConn walk-on."
Whatever helps you sleep at night.

"Hey 35... I bet Calhoun doesn't even know you're name!"
Marty? No. Barfight? Maybe.

Moving on to a separate issue, ESPN is now tracking Hasheem's "altered shots". Traditionally, this occurs when an opposing player compensates for Hasheem's presence by changing his shot attempt. The problem with this statistic is the subjectivity of the measuring standard. Are there two guys in the ESPN trailer arguing over whether it was an altered shot or a killer fade-away?
Here's another case-in-point: During my senior year, while scrimmaging against the scholarship players, Hasheem was injured and sitting out of practice. I remember going up for a wide-open jump shot, only to see a 7-3 monster in the corner of my eye. I thought to myself, "I wonder where he buys socks?" I completely lost focus and bricked the shot off the front iron. Does this constitute an altered shot?

Furthermore, if Hasheem tells an opponent a funny joke, and that opponent is too distracted to make a play on offense, does that constitute an altered shot? In fact, I propose that ESPN should keep track of the crowd's altered shots. I'm sure most would occur on free throw attempts, but a good heckler could probably alter another 5-10 shots per game. A Syracuse fan? Maybe 10-15.

During one game at Gampel Pavilion, Rashad Anderson literally shot the lights out. As he went up for a three-point attempt, the entire arena went dark. ESPN had no choice but to credit the facilities manager with an altered shot.

Jokes aside, every time an opponent takes the court for warmups and marvels at his size, Hasheem has gained a mental edge. This psychological intimidation of opponents, which I believe can provide a six to eight point advantage before the game even begins, can also be obtained through crowd participation and fan intensity. While the UConn student section is formidable, opposing teams are given the luxury of warming up at the distant basket. Syracuse and Pittsburgh have the opposite orientation, which allows for plenty of pre-game heckling. But all things considered, teams must gaze into our student section while shooting free throws during the second half. It all depends how you look at it.

Some of the best fans that I had the opportunity to witness were at Indiana University. Nowhere in the country do fans alter their appearance for a basketball game like they do in Indiana (sorry, Dale). Imagine the intimidation factor when you enter an arena and see people dressed as gorillas, Ninja Turtles, and Star Wars troopers. But I suppose if I lived in Indiana, I would probably want to escape reality as much as possible, too.

After all, it's one step up from Pittsburgh.

Marty Gagne graduated from the University of Connectcicut in 2007, after playing four seasons on the
Men's Hoops Team.
He hails from Vernon, CT.

Calhoun the Killer

Apparently Jim Calhoun also brought his fraternity paddle to his post game press conference. (The boys of pi epsilon pi are ecstatic). A free lance reporter, who's site can be found HERE asked him if was going to give back any of his 1.7 million dollar salary, in the face of the states current budge crisis. Calhoun promptly cut the reporter down, with "Not a dime. Not a dime!" He then took out his paddle and beat the guy senseless (or at least that's what it seemed like to me).
You could hear the quiver in this reporters voice. Like a kid asking his Dad for more allowance.
Let me say this, I',t ired of this give the salary back crap. This commie loving, share the wealth, B.S. It was the same with football at UConn, even other athletes asking why they didn't get as much gear (shoes, shorts, etc) as the football team. Well, that would be because unlike rowing or track, Football actually makes money for the University. Same with basketball. They generate 12 million dollars a year for the school, not to mention untold amounts in merchandising and exposure which brings more students to UConn. I've had enough of it. If he wants to give it back? Fine. If he doesn't? After two national titles, the second most current NBA players of any school, and a number one ranking, he's worth every penny.

Donny Brown: Combine Standout

Donny Brown is going to make some NFL franchise very happy in the years to come (insert What Can Brown Do For You?-comment here). His senior season he absolutely annihilated opposing defenses. Even when teams were putting eight or nine bodies in the box to stop the run he would still rip off 200 yard performances. He worked hard, rarely got the credit he deserved (not sure the guys at ESPN even knew his name), and he kept on plugging. He led the nation in rushing and put on an absolute show at this years combine.
What do I mean by absolute show? How about being the top performer in 6 of 7 categories?
The highest vertical jump (an astounding 41.5 inches). You know what I'm seeing below him? A lot of guys that got the "big press" throughout the season. Donny has done one thing here, left me saying "Knowsh0n Moreno Who?"

40-yard dash Vertical Jump Broad Jump
Name Time Name Height Name Distance
Peerman, Cedric 4.45 Brown, Donald 41.5″ Wells, Beanie 10′8″
Johnson, Ian 4.46 Peerman, Cedric 40″ Brown, Donald 10′5″
Sheets, Kory 4.47 Goodson, Mike 39.5″ Scott, Bernard 10′5″
Brown, Andre 4.49 Southerland, Brannan 38″ Kimble, Anthony 10′2″
Brown, Donald 4.51 Brown, Andre 37″ Coffee, Glen 10′1″
Williams, Javarris 4.52 Greene, Shonn 37″ Greene, Shonn 10′1″
Goodson, Mike 4.54 Sheets, Kory 37″ Sheets, Kory 10′1″
Scott, Bernard 4.56 Coffee, Glen 36″ Jennings, Rashad 10′0″
Coffee, Glen 4.58 Kimble, Anthony 36″ Southerland, Brannan 10′0″
Lucky, Marlon 4.59 Ore, Branden 36″ Goodson, Mike 9′10″
Wells, Beanie 4.59 Scott, Bernard 36″ -
3 Cone Drill 20-yard Shuttle 60-yard Shuttle
Name Time Name Time Name Time
Scott, Bernard 6.82 Scott, Bernard 4.08 Brown, Donald 11.30
Moreno, Knowshon 6.84 Brown, Donald 4.10 Jennings, Rashad 11.46
Ogbonnaya, Chris 6.85 Ringer, Javon 4.11 Bell, Kahlil 11.55
Jennings, Rashad 6.86 Johnson, Ian 4.18 Moreno, Knowshon 11.63
Ringer, Javon 6.87 Jennings, Rashad 4.20 Johnson, Ian 11.63
Bell, Kahlil 6.87 Bell, Kahlil 4.20 Sheets, Kory 11.70
Goodson, Mike 6.89 Goodson, Mike 4.22 -
Brown, Donald 6.93 Moreno, Knowshon 4.27
Johnson, Ian 6.93 Peerman, Cedric 4.29
Sutton, Tyrell 6.94 Ogbonnaya, Chris 4.

Sunday, February 22, 2009


I was watching some of the combine today, keeping an eye out for the guys I knew or had played against. All of a sudden the big uglie is on the screen. Mr,. Goofy himself Will Beatty. The immediate reactions from those around me were: "Holy shit, he's huge." Not that I want to sound "above it all" (I'm not) but to me Beatty isn't that big. I mean sure he's 6'8 and 300+lbs, but I've known the kid for 5 years. To me he's not "huge" he's just Will. Well, actually I lied, he's not exactly "just Will." I've known him better as "you big son of a bitch stop holding." Thats right, like most O-linemen William Beatty (the son of two preachers) is a known cheater. Don't take that the wrong way, I love the kid, but he will hold, spit, and generally cheat to protect his quarterback. I guess its better than if he didn't care. But I know he has been the victim of several tongue lashings by defenseive ends, not to mention yellow flags on Saturday afternoons. Watch the video of Will at the combine. Commentary/analysis below.
"His lack of punch"--I can see why this would be a concern for coaches and scouts. Will has never been "weight-room strong" but his athleticism far surpasses even most of the top talent in this years draft, especially at the offensive tackle position. You can put strength on that athleticism, but you can't put athleticism on strength (Thats why you don't see a lot of Worlds Strongest Man competitors in the NFL). Teams may be looking for someone in the mold of Jake Long who can be plugged into a system and start in his first year. But it would not be a waste of first or second round money to invest into someone like Beatty. Even if he couldn't step in and play right now, there aren't alot of defensive ends that will be able to beat him around the edge in a straight speed-rush. Something becoming more common in the NFL, with the onslaught of OLB/DE hybrids. (see Demarcdus Ware) Some people have questioned his motivation, or his future motivation once he gets that first NFL sized pay check.
The kid has done more 6 am punishments, recieved more verbal assaults from Edsall than anyone in the entire history of UConn Football. Trust me, if he didn't quit then he won't quit now.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week

Well, some one finally did it. They've combined the two biggest problems in America (Booze and McDonalds) to make one amazing solution. I'm sure there are a lot of people who love getting drunk (I was in college once too). And of course with 6 million McDonalds locations nation wide, apparently people are also enjoying an occasional splurge on the Dollar Menu. The next logical step? Combine the two, for a wonderfully glutonous concoction.

Introducing: The McNuggetini:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.
Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce. pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee). Found at THISRECORDING.COM

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Bar Darwinism (Re-Post)

I have gotten some requests about just what is "Bar-Darwinism." So here is the re-post.

I'm curious about the relative babe-magnetism of different positions on the team. Everybody assumes that QBs get all the chicks- but is that really true? How do different positions compare? Linemen vs. skill positions vs. kickers vs. special teams etc...

Well, that's a great question. And I think I have a good answer. Sure, our QBs clean up, with their sharp jaws and chiseled abs. But I'd think you'd be surprised to find that most linemen have very attractive girlfriends, if they have girlfriends at all. I know that I am a personal testament to the rule of over-achieving-fat-white-guys. Seriously, my girlfriend is way out of my league. (See below)
But I think linemen do well because, like many-a-fat chick, we may never have been the best looking or most athletic guys, so by the rules of Bar-Darwinism we were forced to develop a personality, lest we rely solely on our marginal good looks, and thus starve in this proverbial survival of the fittest. They say that if you can make a girl laugh you make her do anything. Even date a fatty. Also, being taller or bigger than our teammate counterparts gives us an automatic conversation starter. Hang around with Dan Ryan for a while and just count how many random "beautiful babies" come up to him (after a few wobbly-pops) and regale him with estimates of his height. Seriously, Mike Hicks, Alex Lamagdalaine, Steve Brouse all have hot girlfriends. Cody Brown is currently dating a girl that is a better athlete than him, and beautiful none-the-less. Same to Julius Williams and Brandon Dillon. I'd like to make this comparison if I could (and I can). Sure a Porsche is fast and fun to drive,but a truck is reliable and will get you through all seasons.

A Rod. Another Reason To Hate The Yankees

I don't care that Alex Rodriguez juiced. I really don't. I still hate the Yankees, but not because A-Rod juiced during his formative years in Major League Baseball.
First, I don't know why this is such a huge surprise to everyone. Were you thrown off by his chiseled jaw and Latino swagger? Well apparently that jaw was cut from HGH and not his south of the border genetics. Was he the poster child for all that was good and pure with the sport? I certainly hope not. He's a New York Yankee for Chrissake. It should no longer surprise the American public that athletes are juicing, especially the ones we think are "clean." In the land where bigger is better, and it's only 40 more cents to "super size it", all of a sudden we want our sports to be free of this self-imposed glutenous madness. I say Juice-on A-Rod! In fact, pass some to your boy (and hetero-life-mate) Jeter. A professional athlete's career is only so long, so call it "maximizing your earning potential." For example, the average career of an NFL linemen is only 2.5 years. 3 years gets you a pension, and league minimum is under $400,000. If shooting some synthetic testosterone helps these guys make a few extra bucks, or prolongs a career instead of leaving them broke and pensionless, then I am all for it.
I'm not saying the next step is passing out syringes to our Little Leaguers, but we are talking about professionals here. Let them make as much money as possible, by being the very best, in their decidedly short careers. I wouldn't deny a doctor a new tool or medicine that would help him to perform his duty the best. So why are we denying these so called "performance enhancing drugs?" Educate them on the risks, then turn them free on an endless stream of Winstrol, cream and clear, HGH and whatever else strikes their fancy. And if other athletes decide that using these compounds is not for them, then so be it, this is America and personal choice or preference is king. But for some, the choice is simple, "let me be the very best I can be while I can still do this..." Cause when its over, it's REALLY over.
I'm sure this will raise questions about my own (potential) performance enhancing drug use. I will surely lay it out there. When in college I used creatine and a million (awful tasting) protein shakes. Were there guys I knew that juiced? Absolutely. Many of them weren't with the program long and the problem was far greater at other schools that I knew of.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

FWG Discusses His Future. Hilarity Ensues

So today I was "working" on my couch when my friend Jenn instant messaged me. Let's be honest I had nothing better to do with my time, nothing so pressing that I couldn't stop for a quick "chat."
We were catching up when the question was posed, "What exactly are you doing with your life, Rob?"
Great question, Jen. Apparently, I am now a professional blogger. (Here is proof). But the conversation we had was so funny, I thought I'd post it here. Enjoy!

Jen: Ohhh okay okay, I'm new to this whole blogging business. So you write for them?

FWG: I can't believe they are paying me for this crap.

Jen: Haha, you just really like writing then?

FWG: I keep getting this sneaking suspicion that someone is going to catch on and be like "wait wait wait....why are we paying him...he does the guy that hired him!"

Jen: Hahhaha well a lot of people out there can't write well....let alone write with humor.

FWG: P.S. There is a 100lb doberman lying next to me, habitually farting in my face
Jen: Hahhahaha that's gorgeous. I'm so jealous.

Jen: Well good, at least you've found things you enjoy doing. Not many people can say that for themselves.

FWG: I like blogging. Not farting Doberman. But yeah I've fond something I enjoy doing....I couldn't professionally sleep or drink beer
and prostitute was a little "beneath me"
but not by much.

Jen: I would be soooo good at the first 2 professions.

FWG: Sleep or prostitution?

(That response was deemed innapropriate for Thoughts From a Fat White Guy)

So there you have it. When it came down to drinking beer or blogging for a living, blogging came out the winner. Well blogging and playing football in Austria. Stay tuned for updates as that little adventure unfolds.

You Will Watch This Video

John Pierson Reports
....everything you'd ever want to know about this blog:

Watch more ClipSyndicate videos on AOL Video

Sunday, February 15, 2009

This Week's Sign Of The Apocalypse

Someone sent me this video. 9 million viewers can't be wrong. Can they? Why is it this week's sign of the apocalypse? Well, because this poor kid will have to deal with being an internet celebrity during his formative years. Also, what kind of parenting is this?


This Week's Sign Of The Apocalypse

Saturday, February 14, 2009

FWG Makes

My life is complete. Made it in Maxim. Sort of.
Check it out:

Friday, February 13, 2009

This Week's Sign Of The Apocalypse

Well, it was getting late in the week, and I wasn't sure we'd find it. But again a reader saved the day. So here it is...

THIS WEEK'S SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSESomeone with a lot of time on their hands has compiled a list of things that people have searched for using Google. These things were searched with great regularity. Most them over 100,000 times. See for yourself, HERE
Apparently its a common thing to wonder, "Why is my poop green?" and "There is a large cat in my pants." Enjoy

Your Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week

Introducing the Bacon Explosion.
I am speechless. Seriously. Speechless.
Only in America.

Shot your completed "Bacon Explosion" or a cross section of your arteries post-consumption?

God Bless the USA!

Think you have "The Fat White Guy Moment Of The Week?"
Email me!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


How does this years team compare with the dominant 2004 team.. as well as the mini pro 2006 team that didn't quite have what it took to win it all? With all the talent on this team, how to they achieve the 2004 results and avoid the 2006 results.
-Mike Gauld
"Gun-Wavin" New Haven, CT

(Answered by FWG blogger and former UConn Basketball player Marty Gagne)

The 2004, 2006, and 2009 teams were/are engineered in a similar manner. The obvious connection is on the defensive end. UConn is currently ranked second in the nation in blocked shots and fifth in defensive rebounds per game. Using willpower, for the purpose of making defensive stops down the stretch, is an absolute must in tournament play... and this current team has shown the ability to do this.

In 2004 and 2009, the defense was/is anchored by a shot-blocking center. This security allows guards to increase the amount of ball pressure applied to the opposing team. Ball pressure leads to turnovers, and turnovers lead to fast break points. This is Calhoun basketball. Furthermore, teams of this decade have featured lanky, athletic forwards (i.e. Charlie Villanueva, Rudy Gay, and Stanley Robinson). Long arms allows wing players to get into passing lanes and deflect errant passes.

This is when things get interesting. Coach Calhoun's backcourts often feature two guards with playmaking ability. The term "playmaker" refers to an aggressive slasher who can easily get into the paint (not necessarily to score, but to break down defenses). In the UConn system, this duo usually consists of a true leader at point guard and a small, attacking shooting guard. Doron Sheffer & Kevin Ollie, Ricky Moore & Khalid El-Amin, Taliek Brown & Ben Gordon, AJ Price & Jerome Dyson... Marcus Williams and..... ?

This was a significant on-court weakness of the 2006 team. Rashad and Denham were excellent scorers, but they lacked the ability to consistently create their own plays. And here is the missing thread: AJ Price. After arriving on campus as one of the top prep guards in the class, AJ raged war on Marcus Williams in the preseason pick-up games in preparation for the impending competition for the starting point guard position. AJ was impressive; he was quick, intelligent, and confident. Of course, this battle was never carried over into official practices because of the medical condition that arose.

This had a season-long effect. Marcus Williams was asked to play relentless minutes, being backed up only by Sami Ameziane, a walk-on. The following season brought Craig Austrie, who played error-free basketball as a backup, but there was no replacing the slashing, playmaking ability that AJ had shown.

Now consider this: during the 2004, 2005, and 2006 seasons, we achieved a #2, #2, and #1 seed, respectively. I believe that AJ's presence would have filled this void, and UConn would have legitimately contended for THREE consecutive national championships.

But in basketball, as with life in general, unforeseen circumstances arise. Plans change and life goes on. The final outcome in 2006 exemplifies that storybook endings are rarely made outside Hollywood. If naysayers who the criticized the 2006 team for nonchalant effort could have seen the locker room after the George Mason loss, their opinions would have quickly changed.

Dwelling on the past, or allowing the end result to outweigh the success of a 30-4 season, is completely futile. It's a blessing to be able to accept events that are out of your control while sustaining your best effort. Walk-ons quickly embrace this philosophy.

Furthermore, a highly-ranked group must maintain a difficult mindset. The team must understand that they are capable of achieving great things, yet retain an awareness that championships are not given away like free iPods. Strength should never shift to over-confidence. You have to manage your swagger... and stay hungry.

For instance, throughout the 2004 season, Ben Gordon promptly began his daily shooting drills and workout session at 5 o'clock... every morning.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Something we should be writing about?
Breaking News?
Something Funny?
Email it!

Bruins v. Sharks

I went to the Bruins game on Tuesday night. My friend Keri got me some ridiculous seats for the game. I confess, a lover of the Sox, I grew up in Sabres country, and my NHL allegiance has always been to the Dallas Stars.
But last night was fun, the seats were great.But even better was to whom the seats belong.
Please try and pronounce this name. I'd like to offer some moments of hilarity here, some wise cracks about this guys moniker. However, this dude has season tickets that I will never be able to afford. So despite unpronounceable name. My hat is off to him.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Apples and Moustaches. What???...exactly

So its not very often that I plug another website. But every now and then one comes a long that really catches my eye. The website is called "Apples and Moustaches." The name alone should direct you to that site for a gander. When I pressed them on the choice of names, they replied "Well, 'cause nothing says What the F*%k like "Apples and Moustaches."
But just what is it about Apples and Moustaches that I like?Well first off, it's written by two guys who are best "friends" from San Francisco. Against all odds, no they are not gay (although I have been informed that they live in eerily close proximity to the it may still be up for debate). They call themselves Magglio and Jericho. The intended effect is to conjure up images of Columbian drug-dealers talking about sports and women and such. For me Jericho makes me go no further than Monday Night Raw. Both Jericho and Magglio went to the University of Washington. The "other" Huskies. It's an interesting perspective on West Coast sports. They say a lot of the stuff I can' t (that's right the FWG is still...for friendly) They really do have it all. Betting Odds? Check. Profane Language? Check. Scantily clad women on a regular basis? (See below...and...CHECK!).

Give their site a look here. If for no other reason, they seem like the kind of guys you'd like to go out and grab a beer with.I even liked them enough to let them do today's post….here it is…
By Magglio and Jericho

Apple: You know how parents are supposed to be proud of their kids no matter how they turn out? Do you think Pau Gasol's parents should get a free pass on that one? I mean is there a softer or an uglier player in the NBA? And have you seen his younger brother Marc? Jesus. How many people receive the Gasol family Christmas card at the holidays and have to politely request to be removed from the list? I mean that could be harmful to your health. I have a hard time looking at Pau from the safety of my own living room.

Moustachea: Evite has a drink calculator that helps you estimate how much alcohol to buy for a party. You can specify how many of your friends are light, moderate or heavy drinkers and select the type of booze you want to serve between beer, wine and liquor. You set the total time for the party and BOOM, it spits out what you should buy. Sounds great right? Well, I'm calling bullshit. I ran some numbers on a 40 person gathering and it suggested 56 beers, 3 bottles of liquor and 12 bottles of wine. Um, are they serious? I mean, I'm not in my drinking prime anymore, but how can Evite be so soft? Have they met my friends? It's become a challenge at this point. Instead of 'will this much booze work for our party?' it's turned into 'at what point in the party will we surpass Evite's bullshit booze estimate?" My money is on an hour and half. Bring it Evite.

Apple: Here's an element of the Michael Phelps pot smoking story that no one is talking about: can you imagine the size of the rip he could take? If you're the kid who brought the weed to the party, handing a bong to a guy who can hold his breath for five minutes is kind of terrifying isn't it? There's an unspoken rule at frat parties that says that if a celebrity of any sort walks in you smoke that person out until they say stop (and Michael Phelps is an enormous celebrity, but if the drummer from Hanson walks in, the same rules apply). So when Phelps walks in you are emptying your bag, that's fine. But handing a bong to Phelps is kind of like letting Leo kiss your girlfriend or letting Jack Black take a bite of your sandwich.

Moustache: My brother and I both have Madden 09, a Wii and a wireless connection. Can life get any better? Sure, technology has put a man on the moon, it has created the internet but more importantly it has provided the opportunity for a heated rivalry to continue despite living 2 states away. In last night's game MJD carried 24 times for 81 yards and Jacksonville defeated Philadelphia 10-9. Yes, I realize I am a grown man reporting on a fictional video game. I also read Dear Abby everyday, religiously. And believe Q-tips are heaven sent.

BCS "National Championship" What a Sham.

You may already know my feelings on the subject, but in case you don't click here.

I've always thought the BCS Committee was a bunch of idiots.
It appears someone else got it right too. From out friends over at The Global Sports Fraternity.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Gagne: UConn Basketball NOW! (a walk-on's dream)

When Lunn first approached me about doing this blog, I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical and ambivalent. First of all, "fat" and "white" are two words that are rarely associated with the basketball world now that Ed Nelson has graduated. Secondly, nobody (myself included) appreciates a practically unknown figure attempting to hang on to fleeting success through the blog-o-sphere. I've never been a huge fan of blogging, but if Kanye does it, it can't be all bad. Anything to help me sleep at night.

Lastly, I questioned whether I could relate my experiences on the team, which concluded two years ago, to the current state of the team in national championship contention. But this is the beauty of UConn basketball: the faces change, the opponents vary, and the assistant coaches come and go. There's even a new equipment guy this year (he's replacing Pat Abbott, a local icon). But through it all, the passion is constant. It's shown by the fans, the players, and the ultra-competitive nature of the legendary head coach. Hopefully this passion will allow me to draw a connection between my experiences and the season that is currently taking place.

With that said, I had the opportunity to attend the UConn vs. Michigan game on Saturday. I went with two former walk-ons, Osazee Omokaro and Nicholas Forostoski. Osazee's younger brother, Emmanuel, is currently a safety on the football team. Emmanuel prides himself on his weight-room performances; and therefore, needs an occasional reminder that he is far from reaching his brother's stature.

Nevertheless, we arrived at the game at the same time as Ray Allen. To avoid a mob-like rush of fans, Jesus Shuttlesworth was given a backstage escort to his seat behind the UConn bench, only seats away. Ray Allen sets the precedent for achieving "big time" status at the University of Connecticut. I can't recall any other superstar, aside from T-Pain during the Spring Weekend concert, to receive a personal escort through Gampel. Obviously, the staff wasn't alerted that former walk-ons were attending the game.

Michigan's head coach, John Beilein, brought his patented 1-3-1 defense with him from West Virginia. This annoying zone gave teams in the Big East fits for years. Thankfully, this irritation now belongs to the Big Ten Conference. Simulating the 1-3-1 in practice was extraordinarily brutal, predominantly because Beilein positions a guard in the backline of the zone. This guard is assigned the task of running from sideline to sideline every time the ball is reversed. Those practices were longer than Hasheem's biceps.

Changing topics, Charles Okwandu became academically ineligible for the second semester. It should be noted that the basketball program does everything possible to offer the best support to any player who is struggling academically. They offer excellent guidance and resources, and the academic advisor is one of the best in the country. If a player fails to accept this support, there must be some sort of personal accountability. While I can't speak to this exact situation, I can only hope that Charles put forth his best effort in the classroom.

Moreover, this development may be a blessing in disguise. Because Charles Okwandu will not travel for road games, a seat is made available on the UConn bench for a walk-on who previously did not dress. In my experiences, when circumstances developed in favor of walk-ons, the overall outcome of the team was usually enhanced. We used to call it "walk-on karma". When Marcus Williams became academically ineligible in 2004, it allow me to take a seat on the Final Four plane. We returned home with one less seat available on the return flight; this seat was occupied by a bronze beauty known as the national championship trophy. Walk-on karma is very real, and it is a force to be reckoned with.

Marty Gagne graduated from the University of Connectcicut in 2007, after playing four seasons on the
Men's Hoops Team.
He hails from Vernon, CT.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Introducing Marty Gagne: UConn Basketball's Finest

You can now come to Thoughts From a Fat White Guy for all your UConn Basketball Insider News.

I'd like to introduce Marty Gagne:

Marty will be writing for this site, but unlike other sports-writers, what makes his perspective so unique is that he played hoops for the University of Connecticut. He will be posting from time to time with news on college basketball from around the country, with an emphasis on insider news on UConn Basketball.

Check back often for new posts.
Marty Gagne Nails A Three:


I was wondering what your motivation was for playing football overseas? Are you getting paid, when are you leaving?" -Jake Smyth

Its a good question. Many Layers. Like an Onion. Layers.
My motivation for playing overseas was this: I wasn't ready to say goodbye to the game just yet. Getting hurt in my final season at UConn and not being able to start my last game at the 'Rent and in the Bowl was not the way I wanted to go out.

I figured that this would be a way to see Europe, and maybe "give back" a little of what I have taken.
Give Back you say? What do you mean?....
Well, part of going to play in Austria means that I will be also involved in spreading the game to local kids and teaching them the finer points of football (read: the finer points of being fat and white). I can't wait.

Earlier this year I said that I was the last person that would play anywhere but the NFL. Direct quote: "I'd play in the NFL but I won't bang around the
CFL or Arena just to come up short." Well, now look at me. The truthful answer is this, until the final whistle blows on your last game, in the twilight of your career, you can't make that call. You won't understand the emotion that accompanies it being over. Really over. My final whistle came, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. Unfortunately my on field performance didn't warrant a direct ticket to the NFL. So this was a great opportunity for me. (that answer is way more than you wanted, isn't it?)

Yes. I am getting paid. In Euros. It's not a lot, but its enough for me to be playing 5,000 miles from home, in a country I've never been, with a language I don't speak.

I leave March 1st. I'll be
chronicling the entire experience. Perhaps I'll change this blog to "Lunn in Lederhosen."

Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Something I should be writing about?
Breaking News?
Something Funny?
Email me!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Why Edsall Wins By Recruiting Character

The UCONN Huskies are not (yet) in a position to start pulling in recruiting classes chock full of 4 and 5 star recruits (those days are coming though). But guess what? It doesn’t matter.
Coach Edsall has built the premier program in New England, from the ground up, using players that, basically, no one else wanted. Who was Darius Butler, or Cody Brown, or Alfred Fincher coming out of high school? Deon Anderson (starting fullback for the Dallas Cowboys) was an absolute nobody.
He and his staff work tirelessly to find the best recruits. Not based on what has to say (cancel your subscription now) or what any other “scout service” thinks. Fortunately and unfortunately dropping the name “UCONN” to a potential recruit doesn’t always get them all hot-and-bothered. UCONN is not USC (there’s just something about Pete Carroll that does it for me).
Instead the UCONN Football staff weeds through tape after tape to find not only players that can compete and succeed at Divison I levels, but also young men of character.
It doesn’t matter if you are from the suburbs of New York (that’d be me), the ghettos of Miami, or the Tundra of Canada. If you can play football well, and you are of high work ethic and moral caliber then you will be found by Randy Edsall.
I am the first to say that over my five years at UCONN the sheer quality of athlete has improved. However, one thing has remained constant: men of character. Edsall believes it, and it is true, you can win with character.
The old adage “Hard work beats talent, when talent doesn’t work hard” couldn’t be truer than it is in Storrs. The practices are the toughest, the training the hardest, and the facilities the absolute best. The result is guys that can turn heads on Saturday afternoons.
However, this process is not air-tight, no one is perfect. And Coach Edsall is the first to take these “problems” head on. The 2006 season Edsall took a lot of heat from the media for kicking players off the team throughout the season. These individuals were just that: individuals. And while they were my friends, at the end of the day, they were a cancer doing nothing but bringing the team down.
It paid off. The 2007 UCONN Huskies were the Big East Champs. The 2008 Huskies won the International Bowl.
So with all this hoopla and fanfare surrounding National Signing Day, and the relative inattention paid to the University of Connecticut, I’d like to offer this:
It’s the quiet ones you got to watch.

Deon Anderson

Deon Anderson was out of his mind at UConn. The ultimate team player, he played the game the way it should be played: Full Throttle. Full Time.

Someone shot me this link from way back, least I can do is give him a little press.

Cowboys' rookie creates daylight for others

IRVING – A tattoo runs across Deon Anderson's chest with a message – "sacrifice."

A fullback knows about sacrifice. He must be willing to give of himself so others can get glory, but for Anderson the sacrifice is also for his family.

In December, he married Kerri, his girlfriend since he was 15. In May, they had a son, Dasan Joaquin, whom he has seen only for a few weeks because of his commitments with the Cowboys since being picked in the sixth round of April's draft.


Wednesday, February 4, 2009

The Top 5 Reasons You Should Be Excited About UConn Football

The 4 Reasons you should be excited about the future of Uconn Football.
(Because I'm too tired to write a 5th)
This is the doldrums of the sports season.
A month away from March Madness and college are teams slowly wading their way into conference play.
The Super Bowl is over.
Hockey isn’t in the playoffs.
And Spring Training seems like an eternity away.
I’m left to watch obscure sports, like lawn mower racing and swimming (insert Michael Phelps joke here).
So here they are:

The Top 4 Reasons You Should Be Excited About the Future of Uconn Football

1. Better recruits.
I hate to quote Papa John here (we hate all things Louisville) but "better ingredients, better pizza." In this case our pizza is a UCONN Football team and our ingredients are a fresh batch of recruits. Gone are the days when blown-up 1AA guys will be getting their shot to play for UCONN (I shed a tear knowing that a guy of my caliber isn't even on the radar anymore). This signing class will have a handful of top-rated guys from Rivals and ESPN (think Top 100 and 4 and 5 star recruits). This is truly the benefit of having won the Big East in 2007. There is usually a year’s delay between on-field success translating to a recruiting class that can reflect it. So pay attention, there are a lot of future stars in the 2009 signing class.
*Of special note: Martin Hyppolite who is listed as “athlete.” Likely to be used in his freshman year as just a “returner”. This strays from typical Edsall behavior. And you know what?….I dig it.

2. Introducing the spread
So there is definitely a steep learning curve, especially with offensive linemen when transitioning a new offense. However, there are two (maybe three) reasons you should be excited about this. 1. With two talented running backs the hole left by Donny Brown should be filled, especially in an offensive scheme that promises a more balanced attack (Oh…so the UCONN quarterbacks CAN throw the ball!). Second is that the most likely starter for next year at the quarterback position is Zach Frazer, who ran the spread in high school and is, according to him, “the system I’m most comfortable running.” Also keep in mind that while Zach was in high school, running such an offense, he broke every major Pennsylvania state quarterback record. In doing so he knocked off Dan Marino, Joe Montana, and Joe Namath.

3. Defense. Defense. Defense.
2008 is going to be a tough act to follow, no doubt. UCONN finished #6 in the nation in total defense. But rest easy, Todd Orlando and Hank Hughes are still at the helm. The rushing presence off the edge by (future NFL talent) Cody Brown and Julius Williams will be adequately replaced by Lindsay Witten, A.J. Portee, and Marcus Cambell. The inside will also be as stout as ever with Juniors who have some serious game experience. The defensive backfield will hold strong with Robbie Vaughn, Jasper Howard, and Reggie McClain.

4. Syracuse is still in the Big East.
No more worrying that UConn will go winless in the Big East ever again.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Something I should be writing about?
Breaking News?
Something Funny?
Email me!

FWG: You're NEVER Too Old To Look Stupid

So the off-season training had hit a high point. No drinking, all clean foods and lifting my balls off to try and get ready to play in Europe. There is only so much of this training I can do before I get completely bored. So I found a few ways to entertain myself. This blog is one of them, the other is working one or two nights a week at a campus bar as a bouncer. Pretty easy work, break up a few fights, check a few IDs and go home with some good stories. Of course, this work is somewhat "off the books." The reason I tell you that was because I got into work and my boss was in the kitchen and told me to "fill out a W-4 form and a new time card." In retrospect I should have probably given more thought to why I was doing this, but I didn't. It also happens that last week was my birthday. I had returned that night from a snowboard trip with the girlfriend in which we celebrated my 23rd. Anyway, there I am filling out this form, when my boss yells to me to come out quick. I assumed he was getting swamped at the bar and needed an extra hand. This is what happened next:

The rest of this post by the FWG can be found HERE

Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Something I should be writing about?
Breaking News?
Something Funny?
Email me!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Blog Gods Smile: Hilarity Ensues

Every now and then the Blog-God’s smile and provide me with material so funny and hilarious I don’t even have to put my own “Fat White Guy” spin on it. Sure I can make fun of Tom Selleck and my family (that is comedic gold). Which brings me to this: How annoying are those “verification” screenings anyway? (The answer: really annoying). Well, finally a little justice.

Pause a minute and let the laughter wash over you.
Good. Now have a wonderful day.
A special thanks to Barry for sending this to me.

Questions? Comments? Concerns?
Something I should be writing about?
Breaking News?
Something Funny?
Email me!

FWG: Your Morning Laugh

Here it is. Your morning laugh.

God. The off-season is slow. Thank God I have YouTube and Jim Levitt interviews to see me through.

Your Fat White Guy Moment of the Week

Well here it is. Your official
Tomorrow, all around the United States Denny's Restaurant will be offering a FREE GrandSlam Breakfast. 100%-No-Strings-Attached-FREE.

You see, this is why I love America. With heart-disease the number one killer of Americans and obesity an epidemic among American children what do huge restaurant chains do to curb the problem? They offer you a FREE Cardiologist-hating-artery-clogging-heart-attack-inducing meal. Again...FOR FREE. Eat up America, breakfast is the most important meal.
This has the FWG stamp of approval ALL OVER IT.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Finer Points of Tecmo Superbowl

As a child of the 90's my afternoons were filled with the occasional "afternoon special", running around terrorizing my neighborhood until the street lights came on (ensuing argument: "Street lights are on, but it's still light out, Mom!") and of course countless hours of Techmo Super Bowl.
This game made me love football. I'd play for hours. Then go outside and run around pretending that I was in Tecmo Super Bowl. My sisters never wanted to play, and that was fine. I'd tackle them at unsuspecting moments, channeling my very best Lawrence Taylor. While the rules of Tecmo Super Bowl were standard football rules. There were a few "unwritten" agreements. As consistent as gravity:

The rest of this article by the Fat White Guy HERE